rants and babbles

whatsthatabout @ 2007-05-30T18:38:00

2007-05-30T22:50:12Z

wow so its been a while since i've posted on this live journal.

not really much to say, but i'm trying to kill time until i have class at woodson. i get out of work at 6:15 and then have class at 7:00 so its usually hard to find something for me to do that doesn't involve eating or shopping - two things that i can't afford!
so here i am at my work computer, they blocked myspace and facebook! - those bastards!

today in my english class, we had to present. or.. hmm.. let me start with last week. last week was the first week of class to start the summer semester at nova. our teacher put us into groups of four people and we had to pick a book off of a list he gave us (without reading it) and make a group presentation to present in front of the class trying to convince the class to read it. doesn't make any sense? just keep reading..
so anyway today we all presented and my group won!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
i can't help but feel proud of myself even if i wasn't the reason people chose it. honestly, i mean obviously the book sold itself ;P but i think this guy named micheal in my group really helped it along, he had a good sense of humor and made the class laugh including our group.. hes one of those loud annoying jock guys (or so i thought originally) but hes actually really funny 3/4's of the time

gosh i'm so tired. i had to leave class early yesterday because i was literally falling asleep in class and there was like three other students in the room and we were watching a movie and the teacher kept looking back to make sure we were watching.
shes a laid back teacher but still .. i would feel bad.
alright well this was entirely pointless but i have to go to class now.
bye

whatsthatabout @ 2007-03-09T19:28:00

2007-03-10T00:41:37Z

i tried to break up with chris this past week. there is so much stuff i wanted to do this summer that i knew he would get very upset about; also, we've been fighting a great deal and i figured it was time. but he fought it till the end and it was sweet how he was so certain we were supposed to be together forever. he kept trying so hard and it hurts to say "i don't want you" so many times. so we are together again. this time though i told him everything. i told him i'm going to bonnaroo, i told him i'm going to mexico. i said to him this is the reality of what i want. i want freedom. and he accepted it, said he would rather deal with the small things than lose me. i couldn't be happier. him knowing all these things and still wanting me is a good feeling. although, i can't help but think once it comes to the day i leave for bonnaroo he will be asking me to call him every half hour which is why i wanted to separate from him. i don't like having to be on call. i know its the duty of every girlfriend and i know its selfish of me, but i just want to be single i guess. and i know if we had broken up i'd be sad in a matter of days when there was nothing for me to do - hell i don't even have more than a few friends. i just don't know what i want. but he talked me into it. so here i am.
megan is coming into town. i'm thinking her spring break is next week as well so she will be here for a while. its exciting. probably more for me than for her and that sucks. but she was my best friend and since then i haven't had a whole lot of friends. she was away at college living it up. sometimes i can get so jealous of all my old highschool friends. at least the ones that go to college, live in an apartment near college or get a dorm room. they don't have a job. they just go to school, and party the remainder of their time. i wish i had that life. its pretty much over for me though. man that sounds good though.
anyway tonight we made plans to hang out. probably going to smoke. i told chris and hes dealing with it okay. i'm so shocked. he always used to freeakk out.

anyway my summer schedule is going to be wack. W-A-C-K.
i'm taking two 6 week classes, which as you might know, are going to take up so much time because its a class squeezed into a month and a half. after that i'm taking two more second six week session classes. so thats 12 weeks, knocking out four classes. and on top of that, my friends, i will be attending woodson adult highschool to FINALLYYYY complete my highschool diploma. with hope, everything works out well. sign up date is march 27th for summer classes at nova and i've already figured out (i think) what my schedule will be and which classes would work. monday morning i will be going to woodson to speak with a counselor and i have to bring in my transcript, sol scores, and shot record. classes are m/w , or t/th 4something-6something, or 7something-9something.
my fucking nas health science class is a monday THROUGH thursday class lasting about 4 hours a day. yes yes i am going to be busy. so busy that i don't think i will be able to hold a job during the summer. i'm going to tell my work i will be going to school but hopefully will be able to return in the fall. meanwhile i was thinking maybe i could get a job working over the weeked, but if i want even the tiniest social life, i think i shouldn't even do that. i don't know. i will be cramped for money if i don't have a fucking job. which brings me to my next topic of news, i will start working fulltime starting next week (hopefully) and continue until i have to take my classes. which is 2 1/2 months. also its about time i get a raise so maybe i can put that into effect soon.
alright well i've written enough. ta ta

whatsthatabout @ 2007-03-04T19:33:00

2007-03-05T00:34:03Z

"i've only felt guilty about not feeling guilty,ive never understood why people are so possesive of each other,people fall in and out love all the time,people change,people are inconsistant..it's human nature.I've cheated many times and never felt guilty, I was also cheated on once and didnt care in the slightest,my sense of worth and happiness does'nt rely on the actions of other people,we are humans we fault and do stupid things and we always will."

that was not me, that was someone else. but i feel if i could read this every day maybe life would be better for me.

whatsthatabout @ 2007-02-23T23:48:00

2007-02-24T05:03:41Z

today has been okay. i was called back for a second interview from those crazy people at the gynocology office a few days ago and today i went in at noon. i talked with colleen again and she told me the person they had hired instead of me is working out fine but i guess they were looking for more people? she said she really liked me and "felt a pull" towards me but it was just that dr. decosimo wanted someone with experience. she said she was going to talk to her either today or monday and hopefully have me working in like two weeks. she said to definately expect a call back from her and that she wants me to know she is seriously considering hiring me.
wow so like i should be happy? blahhh. i don't know what to think. i want to be happy, but i don't really understand what shes trying to do here. who doesn't like me? dr. decosimo? why would she even tell me about the position then? Blah is all i need to say on that matter.

damnit.
i'm considering going right back to bed. all of a sudden around 8pm i felt really like.. sedated and tired and just sooo out of it so i took a nap and woke up around 11pm. well casey and friends were going out tonight but i was told they'd be back around now so i figured i could head on over since it would be nice to be around people right now but i messaged her and she isn't responding. if it gets to be like 1230 then i guess i'll forget about it. sob. haha

i can't wait till this trip to mexico. unfortunately the resort we were looking at only wants 21 and over people there, which really sucks because we went to a travel agency and she even told us that a lot of places have that age limit and that would narrow down our search but then she gave us that as an option. amanda looked it up today and saw that age restriction. so i don't get that part. but lets get back to the good part - i will be legally able to drink. Finally. Finally finally finally!! speaking of being drunk, my sis just called. i love it and i hate it , being around drunk people that is. they're so full of love and always cheering you to catch up to them..as if thats possible.. :) but then there are times like when i was at my sisters place and i accidently scratched myself, yeah i was buzzing, but i said ouch i scratched myself. my sister, drunk, says "maybe it was me" or "maybe it was my zipper" something fucking retarded that would normally make me laugh but i was like no casey it was me. it was my nail. and she just kept listing off different things it could have been. hahaha god. i'm gonna go get drunk.

hits from a bong

2007-02-22T06:54:38Z

i'm here watching katt williams on hbo on demand because my friend angie at work said hes hilarious. well hes talking about how you should enjoy life and its short and if you don't have a good job you should smoke some weed because its not a drug, its just a plant that if you happen to light on fire it alters some aspects and its basically making me really want to smoke. i just need to find some now.

whatsthatabout @ 2007-02-19T22:07:00

2007-02-20T03:10:26Z

i don't know if i'm in a giggly mood or what but i found this to be quite funny http://67.43.168.82/archives/snap.wow

wow a long vent. read if you dare.. or just have a lot of time.

2007-02-19T21:17:39Z

just a few days ago i was thinking how much i actually do enjoy being at home with my family. after spending four days stuck at chris' house (even though we made the best of it), it was nice to come home. but now i completely change my mind. i want out of this house. i can't stand tom, i can't stand mom, i can't stand devin and his spoiled ways. i admit, someone might consider me spoiled, as i've been told by chris and casey has been told by people. maybe my mom spoils me some. but to start off, i have lots of friends where their parents just BOUGHT them a car and they didn't have to pay for shit. i however made the downpayment of 3500 and continue to pay 150 a month for insurance and payments.
okay so i had a very good christmas, got a computer fromy my dad and a camcorder from my mom, and i don't plan on having that happen again so i really hate to complain but not even 6 months later, my brother gets a computer? my twelve year old brother gets a computer? and whats the purpose? whats the deciding factor?? "because he plays games on the computer"
yeah you know what else he does? he plays with his wii (that sounds gross), he plays with his playstation, nintendo, his tv and his TIVO (sp!?)in his room, and a million other things he owns. fuck man. and what does he do to earn all this stuff?? NOTHING not a damn thing. hes a brat 95% of the time. he calls mom fat allll the time and what?-because he adds the word joking at the end of the sentence its all forgiven?? i continue to tell myself i will NEVER EVER NEVER EVER have a child like that. he whines and complains and acts like a 5 year old still (not in the cute way). he is growing up getting every little thing in the world he wants, he is going to not make it in the real world. and get this - mom and tom pay him when he gives the dogs food and water. they actually give him like a check for 10 dollars a week and he keeps them in an envelope. don't get me wrong - this is a good idea, doing chores from some money. but he does one thing, and its like they still buy him the world so whats the point of throwing more money at him? hes already got like a million dollars in his bank account from toms mother passing away, which me and my sister got nada. not that i would expect anything like that, it just sucks because its a slap in the face. and then this morning fucking the dishes weren't taken care of like i said i would do last night. well i came home and i actually did look at the dishes but the whole thing was full and i usually only do half so i figured it wasn't urgent or anything, i don't know, maybe it was the few beers in me and the fact that i had a headache and was tired - whatever it was, i didn't think it was a big deal. well sure enough i get shit as soon as i walk into the kitchen. tom complains that he did 90% of the dishes and "should i just do the rest?" no. okay. i'll do it. by the way, it was like half taken care of. and also, their bratty little son was sitting RIGHT there.. don't you think he could have done some of them?
of COURSE not.
and then like five minutes later, as IF tom was through, he asks mom "did you get your money back??" he was talking about me. my mom gave me FIVE FUCKING dollars to go to the store and pick up some kind of lithium battery. well it was the wrong one so tom wanted to make sure they got their five dollars back. fuck you and go to hell tom. then later today (more like half an hour ago) i made some food for myself. it was a fish fillet that i popped into the oven. took it out when it was done and put it on a plate. tom is UPSTAIRS, which i still don't get this, and he saw me take my plate into the study to go onto the computer. i don't know how the fuck he saw me unless he fucking has video cameras on me but of course he has to say something. nevermind the fact that everybody else does it, including HIM, but he didn't want me to bring my food into the study so he starts bitching and then mom starts yelling "GET THE FOOD OUT OF THE STUDY". like .. why do you do this to me mom? one minute your on my side saying tom is fucking old and retarded and the next minute you're yelling at me? thats the one thing i will aLWAYS hate about my mother. and its sad because i love her, i feel like i can tell her almost anything, and i was always really proud of my relationship with her. but then she pulls this shit once in a while where she is on toms side for some LAME ass shit and she just freaks out and yells at me most likely because tom is getting on her nerves but shit - don't take it out on me. i fucking got her roses on valentines day. none of her other kids got her shit and she still fucking treats me like i'm the worst child.

okay well i have to do something productive today, i feel like a blob. i'm going to go try and move my bed around so my ferret cage has a more permanent place.

what to do what to do..

2007-02-09T17:34:58Z

after all is said and done, i try to resort back to thinking that life should be fun - it shouldn't be spent getting angry with someone or holding grudges, crying or yelling.

i just wish it was easier.

i'm debating on whether or not i should call the place today. casey said i should to get closure. and thats exactly the way to put it because i don't like just not knowing what happened. but i don't want to be stupid and call back saying "i wanted to check the status of the job" because she would be like "what job?"

but in all honesty it was a great interview. there was positively nothing that went wrong. how annoying. it was so close to my house. i was going to make 11 an hour. and she was even letting me in on little secrets. about how theres a bonus at the end of the pay period if you schedule a certain amount of people, how they plan to relocate just across the street, about how the person who was consecutively not showing up for work and they didn't know how long she was going to be working there *wink wink*. i mean, it was all good.

you know what? i'm going to call right now. Breathe in ,breathe out. life is good. alright here i go....
UGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH they are closed for lunch until 1:30 pm.
fuck if i know if i'll feel up to calling back in an hour. godamnit.

bah another monday

2007-02-05T17:23:41Z

i always figured i was not one of those girls who planned out their wedding when they were like 10 but today i woke up in a mood to look at wedding dresses and pick one out that i wanted. well its a bitch because everywhere i looked are like small little icons that you have to click on to see larger and thats a lot of work for me :)
i'll just go pick up a magazine. i think i decided i want a dress with short sleeves. i saw one dress that i liked but the rest with short sleeves looked hideous so don't think i plan on looking hideous!! if i can't find one that i lOve then i guess either the halter top style or the sleeveless, those seem to be the most popular. and i know i can get any color under the sun but i really want to stick with white. for me it seems like any other color makes it look like its not a wedding dress.

anyway my stepdad woke me up this morning being a jackass and now i know why. he called the house a million times and when i finally got up to pick up the phone he said "good i thought i'd wake you up, i think i left the water running in the kitchen". YEAH, RIGHT. fucking asshole. anyway so i'm like either hes getting really old and just fucking crazy or he wanted to wake me up. well i march upstairs (from the basement) and see this nasty note on the kitchen - he loves to leave me little notes that make me want to hang myself. it says something like you can't sleep in the basement anymore, clean up your pen, do the dishes, do something productive blah blah blah go kill yourself i hate you .
UM number one, i slept in the basement because i made some food and i didn't want to take it into my room. i guess there are no other numbers, but WHY THE FUCK does it matter where i sleep in the fucking house? my room is sleepable in, thats what i've been doing every other night, so what the fuck?

damnit thinking about this is giving me a headache. i just want him to go away. like he would be my number one reason for wanting to move out SOOOOOOOOO bad. i love my mom, we get along so great. my brother is okay but its like tom is just so fucking ridiculous. i don't know how my mom deals with him sometimes. he wakes up in the worst moods and he is just out to piss everyone off.

anyway i have to call that place today, which i really don't want to do because i'm afraid she will tell me i don't have the job. which really is crazy because i could have sworn i had it. i mean, chris even pointed out that because i'm a patient there and they will be seeing me again, they should've had that courtesy to call me back and say "we decided to give the job to someone else" or something like that.

here, i'm going to call right now and report back as to what happened, this way i feel like i have some kind of support..
ok nevermind? it rang twice and said i had reached the billing department and to leave a message. why the fuckkkkk? ahh i don't even want to call. as it was ringing i remembered i didn't plan out what i was going to say so i started freaking out. i mean what can you say?? alright well i have to take a shower .. bye

i am destroyed.

2007-02-04T00:35:41Z

how come this keeps happening? why can't i make up my mind about what i want?

i was excited about seeing him tonight, which is a big deal because lately we've been falling apart after what seemed like the perfect relationship (for a while). well nothing can ever last and i guess thats what happened here. we had our ups and downs like any relationship and then finally for like a month or two things were going so well. at least for me. and now this. the past several weeks have been hell.

i'm so mad at him for not having a license. i'm mad at him for living so fucking far away. we had plans for between 5 and 6 and well i'm a late person. and he knows this. and yet he still gives me so much shit. maybe i'm in the wrong here but it was 7:15 when he called me at my house and i said i was just leaving - which i was. it takes a whole fucking half hour to get there so yeah, i guess i would be two hours late. so he says don't bother coming over. i mean fuck him, so i'm late deal with it. we don't do shit anyway ..EVER. i mean what is his loss? really? because last weekend went shitty after a few hours of me being there and i had to drive home pissed off for half an hour while he just went on his computer to play his game. so like it would be an inconvenience for me to come over now? he says "i can tell tonight is going to be like last week so just don't come over"
like it fucking puts him out. i mean seriously, can you imagine if he were to come over here??? i would just relax and do whatever until he gets here and then if we get in a fight, why the fuck does it matter?? he leaves and i can watch tv or a movie or play a game or fucking get on the computer. but he has to suffer. i mean no matter how fast i drive, its still a half an hour drive. and the first fifteen minutes are in the sticks so even if i drive fast to get out my aggression, i'm worried i will hit an animal. i'll see eyes of a cat and slow down and from then on go like 45 (which is the speed limit).

FUCK.
none of this even makes sense anymore. i'm just so angry with him and i really wonder why we are still together.

two bowls of ice cream and five truffles later...

2007-02-02T02:32:26Z

yeah. Yeah.
and those truffles were 50 calories a pop.

i'm so dead.
like i am beyond belief.
but i'm going to the gym tonight so maybe that will make up for some of the stuff??
i can't believe i did it again. like today was THE day to get back on the wagon. but i just fell further.

so the people didn't call yet. this is disappointing. am i getting shafted here? like i thought i got the job? she said, and i quote, "you will hear from me either tomorrow or wednesday as to whether or not dr. decosimo wants you to work part time or full time. how could this be happening? why hasn't she called me yet? and if for WHATEVER reason she was sick or couldn't get ahold of her, wouldn't she just call me to tell me this? bah i'm so confused. i think if she doesn't call tomorrow i will call her on Monday. thats sufficient time, right?

god my brother is telling my mom she is an asshole. you know, he has called me bitch like a million times and doesn't get punished? oh yes, he says it in front of my mom. he says fuck you often as well. Fuck, i would give anything to have that if i was his age. he doesn't get punished for shit. i mean they yell at him but hes just so fucking crazy that he doesn't actually get anything taken away. its so... sad. like i want to be jealous because he must think hes pretty cool. but hes going to grow up so fucked up. hes not going to know when to stop anything.. i mean he already treats the friends he has like shit. hes very...... self centered.
also he drinks like two cokes a day, if not more. his teeth are going to be FUUCCKKEEDD. they are going to fall out on his 18th birthday. i mean damn.

alright well casey just called me saying shes on her way , so i better go get ready for the gym. toodooloo!

why does my ferret cry? i'm only tired

2007-02-01T06:52:23Z

tomorrow.

tomorrow is the day i will jump back with my diet. i bought all these foods, i have salad and spinach in the fridge that is just DYING to go bad, i have two bottles of spray dressing, i have fruit and cottage cheese - even though i can't down that shit without wanting to gag - i have to start my damn diet back up. food is so good but today i went overboard. i just feel so full and fat and i haven't even eaten in a few hours! its like this is permanent. i can't help but stick out my stomach because i just feel so damn full still.

this sucks so much because i could really see this becoming a pattern. i diet for about a week and see good progress. i begin to get bored with the foods i am eating because i have to limit myself to what i eat because A i live with three other people taking up space in the kitchen with their fatty foods and B i don't exactly know all that i can eat that is good for you. but then after a week or so of eating right, i get bored. i get sick thinking about eating yet another salad. and for some reason, my last experience with my tuna (which i normally loved on salads) was wrapped up in a tortilla and i absolutely hated it. it was dry and just....now for some reason gives me a bad taste in my mouth so i don't know if i will be able to eat that. fuck man this fucking sucks. i get bored of my food so i splurge and eat like everything in sight for three days. and then i get to the point i'm at now where i want to try dieting again. i can't keep doing this!!

you know what really sucks? i bought this bag full of veggies, probably no MORE than a month ago. i ate probably half of it, wrapped it up just fine, stuck it back into the fridge. my mom took it out, finds it to be leaking with who knows what because its just cut up vegetables and then we look at the date on the packaging and it says October. I mean what the fuck .. couldn't I sue or something?? Are they allowed to be selling food that is past its expired date unless they mark it down and bring attention to it? whatever.

i'm pissed because i fucking bought this book at micheals for like seven bucks. its like a coloring book except its on black paper and its just neat little designs that are somewhat clear that you color in and you're supposed to be able to put it up to a window and when sunlight shines through and its like stained glass. well i bought it, bought markers and tried it and it looks like crap. my mom says maybe because the markers are washable. so i try non-washable markers. no better looking. then i spend 13 bucks at plaza and buy 5 prisma markers. NOT A GODAMN DIFFERENCE. what a waste of fucking money. i feel so ripped off. i'm sick of feeling ripped off!!

god i need to go to bed. someone pull me away from this thing. does anyone remember when i had deadjournal and i would write fucking books? well i think i'm about to create that again. except my journal will be alive! ha ha get it? man am i bad

hey UPDATE!! i plan to bring in my camcorder to work tomorrow and just mess around recording the babies and whatnot, making them laugh and watching them do stupid shit and maybe i will put it up on youtube. i saw laughing baby on youtube and its hilarious and it kinda reminds me of this thing i do with annabel (bella) at work. she sits on the ground and i kind of work out/dance around her, kicking my feet up towards the back of my knees and she just CRACKS UP!!! and shes so adorable about it because she moves her head all around and covers her face and damn, its just the CUTEST little thing you've ever seen. so i really hope i can get some footage of that and show the world the cutest little baby ever. hopefully mommy doesn't mind. i talked to casey about it and said parents would probably never even know. then i talked to angie (co worker) about it and said as long as its not bad stuff of the baby they probably wouldn't mind. i hope not! i don't want to get any parents mad at me. i mean, can you imagine? you have a kid and one day you see them on youtube and you have no knowledge of this? ack! crazy. alright well i better go rest my brain before it explodes with words that do not make any sense to you earthlings.
later

i've lost all motivation

2007-01-31T17:03:45Z

what the hell is wrong with me?! i mean all i ate this morning was the weight smart oatmeal - only one packet! - and some fruit like strawberries and raspberries, so i still have a chance to eat smart today but i think about the foods that i bought just last week and i feel sick when i think about eating them. its like i want pasta and mashed potatoes, quesadillas and burritos. but instead i have salad and vegetables. i bought this 6-pack of chicken breasts and i don't even want those!! goddd

so i went to the gym last night , good right? well i got home and not too much later i decide to work out to my Denise Austin bootcamp tape. well not even half way through i get a headache from jumping around and i couldn't continue. i just feel so pathetic. i don't know if my mind just wanted to get a headache so i couldn't work out anymore or WHAT!
fuck i need a personal trainer and a gourmet chef who only makes healthy foods that are yummy yummy.

ha anyway i have work in two hours. i need to take a shower. maybe i should squeeze in a workout before i take my shower. i feel like i've been so much more active than i have in a really long time.. and i don't see results! just sore legs and butt :-/

anyway my mood is little ferret heads!! yay i'm so happy they had those. i was looking page after page thinking wouldn't that be great if they had ferret heads, and sure enough on like the fifth page, FERRET HEADS!

i really do love my babies. i walked into my room and i guess i hit butterball (the new edition, light colored hair and very faT!) with the door and he ran under my dresser thing and i could see his bottom half sticking out and his little tail wagged and it was absolutely ADORABLE. and then the other day i saw the cutest thing - ok so i have this huge cage with four floors. 2nd and 4th floors have hammocks. usually butterball is on the first floor sleeping, pepper likes the 2nd floor hammock and mitzy likes the 4th floor hammock. well i walked in to my room a day or two ago and they were all piled on the the 2nd floor hammock! pepper wasn't even all the way on, but he was sleeping just fine with half of his body on the floor of the cage and the top half on the hammock!!!!!!! ahh they really are my life, just wait till i have fucking kids.

i think about that.... i mean i said wait till i have kids thinking i will be nutso about them.. but then i wonder 'will i still have time for ferrets?'

granted, i wont give them away NO WAY NO HOW, but after they pass on (please never), will i get new ferrets? will i have time for them when i'm older and have a family? i hope so. i'm sure many people do that.
alright well i'm so godamn boring so bye

job interview this morning...

2007-01-29T15:48:19Z

okay so i just got back from my job interview. how lucky you should feel right now.

well actually first i went to giant and deposited some money..

so yeah i had to fill out 4 pages of an application, your usual past jobs, personal information, skills, and references. anyway while i was waiting, after filling out the papers, a woman walks in. maybe around late 20's or early 30's. i thought she was a patient. well then she walks up to the front desk and says she has an appt with colleen at 10. i'm thinking ohh shitt shes going to get the job. the front desk has her fill out forms and i get called in. this makes me more nervous because now i was thinking colleen is having these interviews back to back shes not going to pick mE! well i'm stupid and reflecting back on it now, i'm sure some woman in her 30's is not going to want front desk! shes probably applying for something else. so anyway the interview, after all the practice questions discussed with my mommy :) , was basically colleen telling me about the job description and what they plan to do (they were only open mon, wed, fri - want to have the place open only to phone calls tues and thurs which means i would be by myself on those days eek!).
she didn't ask me any stupid questions like "whats your biggest flaw?" and i think all went well! she said i will be hearing from her in a few days as to whether or not i will be working full or part time, she needed to talk to dr. decosimo (her practice - her office) about if they will be needing me full time. so anyway desired salary... eleven dollars.. when colleen was looking over it she was just like.. talking to herself i guess and said "ok.. desired salary.. alright" and then went on to talk to me about something else so i'm guessing i got it so thats great. if i were to work there full time it would be mon-fri 9-5:30 so that works out well i think especially with it being across the street, no more traffic! i mean it works out.. and i gathered with that salary and full time hours, i would bringing home paychecks between 700-800 dollars! which is just great because i've been eating into my savings like a fucking rat and it sucks because i'm down to like less than 200.

anyway i don't want to get too excited because if they only need me part time she said she would need to have me work full time for a while to get the hang of it and then only come in tues and thurs which would suck because that would mean i would have to give up my job now and then in the future only work two days a week. so i'm really hoping dr decosimo goes with it and has me on full time.

and to add to my good news!!! or is this bad news... i don't know... my credit line was increased to 1300!!! hahah.. i mean it feels good because i feel like i've got good credit and that can get you places. but i definately do NOTTTTT want to be spending more than 1000 on that credit card. i wish they would decrease my percentage rather than increase my spending limit.

alright well i'm so hungry :( so i have to try and find something healthy in this hell hole filled with doughnuts

here comes the warm machine

2007-01-27T20:37:27Z

its not a bad day outside, wish i had something to do that didn't involve spending money. i got my bill a few days ago and it was like $699.00 . jesus, i really have to stop spending.

so last night i had the weirdest dream and sometimes i think i may be psychic and that my dreams could be telling the future, and sometimes i think thats the stupidest thing i've ever heard, but anyway it went like this :
me and my sister were driving along and i didn't realize this at the time but later on i did so i guess we were with some babies that i look after at my work. the ones i remember were aidan, little chino baby, and i think it was colin. anyway casey looks out the window and says mars looks bigger than normal. and i look out (i am the one driving) and see it and its like the size of a quarter in the sky. next time i look at it its getting bigger. its coming towards us. its getting bigger and bigger because its obviously getting closer and its going to hit us. i take in the fact that we are about to die and i look at casey and think the words "i love you and i'm glad we are together if it has to end like this" . and i know thats sappy and its funny because now i know casey will be reading this, but its true. the words couldn't come out because i guess at the point oxygen wasn't there or it was just.. sucked out of me.. i don't know. anyway, we don't die. my dream acts like a movie and time rewinds like 15 minutes and i don't even realize it till i look at the babies clothes and they have on the same outfits. so stupid, i know, but for me its creepy i guess because i had the dream and its much more life-like than anyone else could imagine. anyway i don't do a damn thing, its like time rewound but nothing really changes. except i think i do manage to say those words to casey and then it rewinds again! or maybe it doesn't i don't know, but one of these times when i look at the planet like shoveling towards us really close, before it hits, a UFO comes right in front of it and i say "oh no its the aliens!" and all of a sudden i'm naked and i'm like GRAB A BLANKET to casey because i didn't want the aliens to see me naked. ok i just read that and it sounds sick, but i swear nothing gross happened. i was just naked for some reason. so like aliens abduct us and i think thats when i woke up. crazy huh??

alright anyway,
i checked the voicemail today for the house phone and GUESS WHO CALLED!?!? colleen from about care ob/gyn saying she would LOVE to meet me and set up an interview for monday at 930 in the morning. called her back a while ago and set it up.
i don't know if my nerves will kick in monday morning, but i've had this outlook like i don't really care what happens. don't get me wrong - i Do definately care, but its like i'm relaxed, i'm just going to be myself, tell her what i want to do in my life and what i am doing currently. its like when i had that interview for the animal place that was too far away. before the interview was set up, the woman called me and asked me some questions and we talked for a good 10 minutes. i was totally relaxed just saying everything thats going on in my life and what i wanted to achieve by becoming a vets assistant.
i don't know. interviews are different though. like i have to sell myself. i think i could answer every question fairly well but my most disliked one has to be "what is one of your flaws?" because you can't just say "well i come in late sometimes...hungover some days"
you have to say something that is going to sell yourself like "well i'm a bit of neat freak and i just love to be organized" or "i have this flaw where i can't really start something until i have finished any other started tasks"
its so stupid!! and i feel like an absolute moron when i say these stupid lines. but whatever.......

so i don't know how much to ask for. i know they are going to ask me what i want and right now i make $9 so anything above that would be great! but i really want to see if i could get like 12 bucks out of them. is that too much? my dorky butt looked online to see how much medical receptionists make and someone else had a similar question. but they had already been working and were talking about the raise they got was too small they thought. she said she was making 11 and got a 75 cent raise and thought she should have gotten more. so i was thinking maybe asking for 11.

alright well i'm going to stop right there because this is pretty damn long.

lousy drivers

2007-01-27T04:26:35Z

ok so i hate lousy drivers. 98% of people believe they are a great driver. i do not claim to be one of those, but i KNOW i am better than a lot of other drivers out there. instance A - driving along 66. for those of you who don't know, or haven't FIGURED THIS OUT one way or another, the left lane, if not during HOV hours, is the fast lane. people like to go to fast in this lane, hence the title "fast lane".
some idiot today was going like 65 in the fast lane. don't get me wrong, sometimes i like to go 65 .. if perhaps intoxicated or something. but i stay in the fucking right lane or even middle to keep the traffic going. as i was saying some IDIOT was going slow, maybe even 60, and there was this huge train behind him of cars. and this is how it works, some people just don't care so they're like oh i will just stay behind this car la la la life is great. and here i am like weaving around cars just trying to get in front of this douche bag holding up other cars and people similar to me and i can't because everyone SUCKS. (i realized my story was a bit too hard to follow so i decided to cut it short to basically everyone sucks)

instance b - ah yes, there is an instance b - when you are going straight and are planning to make a left turn soon, and there is a left turn lane you need to get into, GET ALL THE WAY INTO IT. PLEASE. for the sake of other people around you. i mean how you could be so OBLIVIOUS to the fact that there are other drivers on the road. the lane provided to make the left turn is there for a purpose my friend. GET IN IT. fuck man. people these days.

anyway, on to better news, i had a last minute babysitting call tonight for this lovely little boy named mossimo (little italian stallion). it was a bit of a disaster because the mom asked what i wanted and i said 10 and then later i found out from a girl who has babysat for them before that she got 15. so my co-workers start saying "you need to ask for more money" and i start thinking yeah i should but when it comes down to it, thats a very awkward conversation and very hard to begin. so i wimped out and hoped for the best and it all worked out. went over there right after work, at 6:30. the parents themselves didn't leave till 8:00. kid went down to bed at 8:30. parents came back at 10:30 and i walked out of there with 60 bucks. i'm glad i didn't act like a dick and say "could i get more money?" i mean that was perhaps the easiest $60 i ever made.

alright well i have to go. i'm supposed to be heading to chris' house in about six minutes to get all liquored up and happy but i still have a few things i needed to do around the house. ciao!

new journal

2007-01-26T06:52:02Z

so here is the deal - i made this livejournal because i'm bored and i don't know if or how often i will update it, but it sounded like fun. i get to bitch and moan and if other people out there are bored, they can choose to read what i have to say.

hopefully, i don't offend others in the process or get too personal but i highly doubt anyone will bother reading this anyway so here i go.

today was fine. thats the only word i could think of to complete that sentence. really like any other day though. since i slacked off in signing up for classes, i am taking this semester off. from going to nova. how sad is that? i swear to myself up and down that i will take classes in the summer and catch up and i know i will, i'm not going to let myself sink down into that downward spiral that i hear so many people doing.

currently i'm working at a private school but i guess its more like a daycare because i work in the infant room. i have worked there for just about a year and its time for my raise but i don't know that i will be working there much longer. my raise will probably be something like 32 cents and as much as i enjoy working there (most of the time), its not something that i see me doing in the future and i really want to get career related jobs.. for experience. i had an interview to be a vets assistant and i've always wanted to be a vet when i was a kid - didn't everyone? - so i thought maybe this is something i'd want to get into. they were willing to train me since i have absolutely no experience so i thought this would be great but i cancelled the interview because the damn place was 45 minutes out. fuck, i can't even get to the job i have now on time and its 20 minutes away.
literally, for the past month (since i've been out of school) i've been going to my job 2:30 or later and i'm supposed to be there at 2:00. every day i wake up around noon and tell myself this will be the day i will be there on time. HA, what a joke. but no one has said anything about it.

so anyway i know this is gross but while at the gynocology office the other day i was talking to my doctor during the exam and got onto the subject of me wanting a full time job in the medical field so i could get a feel for it. then she asks me how i would feel about being a receptionist at their office! how weird! so she gave me a number to fax my resume to and i did and for some reason i'm really excited. the place is like 2 minutes away from my house and this should (with hope!) give me some kind of experience. not that i would EVER want to be a gynocologist, but this would be a step in the right direction.. right??

i told my mom of course and she starts talking about how "maybe you could be like dr.decosimo!!!!" fuuuuuuuuuuuck no. in no way will be fingering like 20 women a day as a job. godamn, why would my mom think to say that? she goes "you could deliver babies!!!" she thinks for some reason that because i like babies and kids, that i would enjoy delivering babies. i don't think so.

anyway sorry this is such a long and LAME post. i will get better i swear. alright i feel like shit i'm going to bed. hey, maybe i'll make it to work on time tomorrow :)